Gutfeld: For the Trump-Obsessed Media, It’s All Bad All the Time
This is a rush transcript from “The Greg Gutfeld Show,” November 17, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Joining us for this ceremony is his wife, Maureen, who has become a great friend of my family, myself, and their nine children, Anne, Jean, John, Katherine, Mary, Claire, Paul, Matthew, Christopher and Meg, you were very busy, wow. I always knew I liked him.
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GREG GUTFELD, HOST: I have no idea what he’s talking about. All right, now, in real life you could have the best of times and the worst at times, but under the Trump obsessed media, it’s all bad all the time. And you know things are pretty good when Trump’s pissed off storyline gets trotted out.
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DON LEMON, ANCHOR, CNN: President Trump isolated growing more furious by the day. His mood dark and angry.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The President is lashing out at the Mueller probe.
ANDERSON COOPER, ANCHOR, CNN: The President said to be in a foul mood.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The President’s state of mind is the worst it’s been since the campaign and that among the West Wing staff, there is a near universal sense of foreboding.
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GUTFELD: Ooh, a universal sense of foreboding. That’s how I feel after eating Taco Bell. But Trump, he’s mad, so mad that maybe he will stage a coup.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In the sad event, he does run and he does lose which will be a happy event, it would be stunning what we would see. He would be President going, “I’m not leaving. I am not leaving. You could call the military.” I mean, is that – we have to look at this man. He really would do that.
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GUTFELD: I’m looking at that man. Fun fact, MSNBC made him in a lab with chicken wire and Botox paste. So now that the apocalypse has been postponed until after brunch, we must make do with the old chestnut, Trump is unstable. And no wonder, would some networks stop talking about how bad Trump is, what are you left with? Them. The empty talkers, the noisemakers in suits. Jaw clacking dolls with broken hinges and tummy tucks. They cling to Trump’s mood like it’s candy colored Klonopin.
Even as the news looks pretty good for America, he just scored a bipartisan win on prison reform even Van agrees.
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VAN JONES, ANCHOR, CNN: The 99 times I don’t agree with the President, I’m going to give him hell, but on this one I will give him a salute and an applause. We’ve got to come together to help the people at the bottom.
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GUTFELD: And while the networks OD on Trump rage, the President signed a measure Monday to create a new national historic park for Martin Luther King, Jr. But wait? How can that be? How can Trump do this? Isn’t he racist?
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LEMON: The President of United States is racist.
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GUTFELD: Well, if he’s a racist, he’s really bad at it. Trump, the world’s worst racist. That’s a great idea for a coffee mug. World’s worst racist. Like world’s best- you know, also missed, there was the Medal of Freedom Honors, George Herman, Babe Ruth, Jr.
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TRUMP: George Herman, Babe Ruth, Jr. He was a junior. I can’t imagine what his father was thinking.
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GUTFELD: I just love that. What’s his father like? All right, then you have Trumps arch hemorrhoid, the ambulance chasing chuckle bucket, Michael Avenatti, busted – now, this is not funny, he was busted on suspicious of striking A women allegedly, of course, the cat is innocent until proven guilty. That’s what good people believe in even if people like him do not. He could be innocent, as innocent as Brett Kavanaugh was when Avenatti was tormenting him. I just hope the media does a little soul-searching after booking this clown incessantly.
The media soul-searching – that like looking for big foot. It’s not so long ago Avenatti was their darling, CNN and MSNBC were junkies to his anti-Trump crack. But now, he is toxic, and so the media that loved you to pretend you never dated. It like me and my Backstreet Boys pajamas. I pretend I never own them, but for years I wore them under my school uniform, which leads me to a new huge landmark study on media trust.
The “Hollywood Reporter” surveyed thousands of people on who’s the most trusted name in news. I don’t want to say the surprising anger who blew away the competition, so we will just throw to this video.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In 2018, a landmark poll surveyed Americans to determine the most trusted news media personalities. The results are in and one of the most trusted names in news is none other than Greg Gutfeld. It’s just another prestigious accolade to the host of Fox New’s flagship program “The Greg Gutfeld Show.” He bested some of the most established industry insiders like Wolf Blitzer, Stephanie Ruhle, Katy Tur, Don Lemon, Rachel Maddow, Brooke Baldwin, Mika Brezezinski, Chris Cuomo, Chris Matthews, Lawrence O’Donnell and of course, the absolute least trustworthy name on the list, Joe Scarborough, who came in at rank 49 out of the 49 listed in the poll.
Others were barely able to come out ahead of Greg Gutfeld. Those include Jake Tapper, Dana Perino, Craig Melvin, Chris Wallace, Andrea Mitchell, Harris Falker, Brian Williams, David Muir, Anderson Cooper and Lester Holt. But it’s clear the real winner is you, America. You get to watch one of the most trustworthy, charismatic and handsome news media professionals six days a week.
So join us in celebrating television’s most prolific broadcaster, Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Thank you. No, no, stop it. Scarborough, dead last, maybe he should have stuck to whatever he was doing before TV.
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BUTTHEAD, FICTIONAL CHARACTER: When we get the checks? How does this work?
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GUTFELD: I almost beat Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon. I wonder how they took that?
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LEMON: Don’t be so sensitive, Chris Cuomo.
CHRIS CUOMO, ANCHOR, CNN: I’m sorry.
LEMON: Okay, thank you. Everything is not about you, okay?
CUOMO: I’m sorry.
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GUTFELD: Somebody look like he better get after it. But like I always say when life gives you Don Lemons, go watch Greg Gutfeld. I also bested Rachel Maddow. How can that be, Rachel?
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RACHEL MADDOW, ANCHOR, MSNBC: I usually have so many words. I have the best words, but for this, I have no words. Did this – seriously, this just happened?
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GUTFELD: To quote Rachel, “Woohoohoo.” All right, but even I’ve got to admit, this is weird. There’s something wrong when I am more trusted than Wolf Blitzer. How can that be? He’s boring and he has a beard which makes him instantly trustworthy. I mean, I’m flattered by this, but I’m also terrified. Me trusted by you? I don’t even trust myself. I won’t even be alone with me.
But here’s the real problem. The list had mixed commentators with reporters, which is stupid. FNC has both, but we clearly label what’s what. Other networks, they aren’t as clear which is why so many people mistake opinion for a fact which lead to fake news. No wonder people think Trump is crazy or insane, it’s an opinion coming from their news sources and that is not healthy, if we only had something for that.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He would be a President that would go, “I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving. You could call the military.”
TOM SHILLUE, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST, FOX RADIO: Trump is going to engineer a coup. He is going to round up families and separate children. He is going to imprison women and turn them into baby making factories.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hold on there, partner, where did you come up with this?
SHILLUE: Well, just watching TV and talking to my friends.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sound like you need new friends.
SHILLUE: New friends, tell me more.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: New friends is not a drug, but a group of people who present a different set of opinions that more clearly reflect reality than the talking heads on TV.
SHILLUE: Wow, sounds great. Where do I start?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: First you’ll want to go outside. Then maybe go to a hardware store. Or a grocery store or a local church. No playgrounds. Then initiate conversation without mentioning politics. Do you have neighbors?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Maybe talk to them about the weather, or sports or their pets. They love to talk about their pets. Do they like you?
SHILLUE: Yes. No, ever since I took down their Trump signs.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That’s okay, maybe apologize with a bottle of wine.
SHILLUE: Sounds great. I never thought of that. I’m going to give it a try.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: New friends is the best to keep you from going down the paranoid angry rabbit hole that turns people like Joe Scarborough and Donny Deutsch into jabbering idiots. Act now and we’ll throw in this handy Deutsch bag. It’s a burlap sack that you place over your TV when Donny is on TV. So get new friends today. Side effects include being happier and more stuff to do.
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GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guest, publishers grovel when you write a new novel, author of “Up in the Air,” and columnist at “Harper’s Mag” Walter Kern. He’s a comedian by night and a guy in his underwear by day, writer and comedian Joe DeVito. She’s murky, quirky and a fan of beef jerky, National Review reporter Kat Timpf. His stature is iconic and his dinner plate is tectonic, former WWE superstar and massive sidekick and starting November 28th, host of “UnPC” on Fox Nation, Tyrus.
GUTFELD: All right, Walter, you have been traveling the country. Give us your pulse, is it as dark – is the mood dark? Is it foreboding?
WALTER KERN, AMERICAN NOVELIST, LITERARY CRITIC, AND ESSAYIST: You mean is the mood of the country the same as Trump’s mood supposedly?
KERN: No, the country is partying like crazy. You get out there and people who haven’t had jobs in 17 years are like, “Can I buy you lunch?” But the Trump thing, he is what is happening. They did all the Presidents men. You know, Robert Mueller, he’s closing in, you know, all the reporters. Now, they’ve moved on to the final days which was the next Woodward Bernstein book about Nixon praying to portraits late at night. So in their inability to imagine anything other than a Nixonian President, they are going even further.
GUTFELD: Yes, any thoughts on Avenatti?
KERN: They say he looks like a certain male organ. I’ve never thought that. That’s my only thought.
GUTFELD: Okay, I never thought that either until now, Joe. You haven’t been traveling the country. In fact, you’ve been a shut in since —
JOE DEVITO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: I’ve been holed up, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. What are your thoughts on any topic from the monologue you see fit?
DEVITO: I think, Avenatti, if you saw him playing an evil lawyer in the movie, Pacino would say that’s a little over the top. It’s really pushing it. I like how Donny Deutsch says that Donald Trump would not respect the results of election, gee, who does that sound like?
GUTFELD: That’s true. It’s true. By the way, I like your beard. Kat, what do you make of my award? Actually, it wasn’t an award, it was my rating as being one of the most trusted man in news. You probably saw that coming.
KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: I’m just so happy to see you happy, Greg.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
TIMPF: Anything else?
GUTFELD: No. What are your thoughts?
TIMPF: I’m just so glad that I’m not the President and that I don’t have everyone in the media analyzing my mental state all day, every day. I was just looking at that and imagining what stories they’d say about me. They’d be like, she wakes up every morning next to an elf bobble head doll like she makes us listen to return of mac on repeat during national security briefings. You know, I own like 23 pairs of penguin socks. Why does she keep tweeting about lizards at 3:00 a.m.? And why does she always alone? But thankfully nobody knows any of those things.
GUTFELD: No, not at all. We know very little about you. Tyrus? One thing, you made an excellent point that Stormy’s life was far better before Avenatti and so this is a guy who actually ruined woman’s life.
GEORGE “TYRUS” MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTAR: He would ruin any woman’s life. He ruined a porn star’s life. That takes skill and talent. Your characterization of Avenatti was not fair to pancreas everywhere, it’s just not fair. Not fair. They have got a tough job, you know, digesting wood.
KERN: Don’t they still owe Trump money?
MURDOCH: That’s the best, and see apparently you were out on a mission. I covered this a few weeks ago. I don’t know where you were. Out writing a book or something.
KERN: Sorry, Tyrus.
MURDOCH: When she started she was a director.
MURDOCH: She was going places, but she wasn’t unveiling in those places. She was middle-management, I’d say. She had gotten money. She signed away – she was able to move on with her life and not relive it, and then he came along, dragged it all out. He did TV shows. He got famous and she got two bills. One from the President and one from the pancreas. And then today, she came out and said if this is true, I’m out.
Even if it’s not true, Stormy, you don’t take advice this time, get out.
GUTFELD: It’s —
MURDOCH: And sorry, one more thing I get upset about this. Because our President is so transparent, the President is pissed. I like President Obama, don’t you dare. But I’m pretty sure when he lost the House and the Senate, it wasn’t cherries and smiles in the White House that day. I’m sure there was a lot of “who you looking at,” like “what do you want me to do?”
I don’t think it was just, “Well, here we go, guys. Let’s all gather around and sing songs together.” I’m sure some people’s jobs were being threatened. I’m sure, he’s like, “Well, the polls …” I am sure it was an unhappy time.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
MURDOCH: So for them to say he’s so mad, they want him to be mad and I don’t know, he doesn’t play it off. Like he’s just slammed the door in the White House and walked out in the front yard, “Why?” And then walked back in, like throw stuff around. Live it up, you know?
GUTFELD: Yes, we’ve got to move on, but what’s the irony here is that Donald Trump treated Stormy Daniels better than Michael Avenatti did because she got paid. He paid her and it was a transaction that she was happy with. Until he entered her life and said no, get more for me and that has complicated matters for her to know and – but enough of that. We’ve got more to talk about. Up next, dozens of Democrats may run for the Presidential nomination. Look at that. We road test that clown car, next.
There will be plenty to run in 2020. Dozens of Democrats are kicking around the idea of running against Trump in two years. Here’s a montage of them. Sadly, only one will get the nomination. Yes, according to not one, but two Democratic insiders, it is happening and one of them was Hillary’s pollsters, so he knows what he’s doing. They said so in the “Wall Street Journal” referring to her as Hillary 4.0. That’s clever.
According to the piece, she won’t let losing to Trump be the last page of her career and she has a 75% approval rating among Democrats. Yes. And they scoff at other Dems thinking of running calling them amateurs. The last line says it all, quote, “She may enter the race later, but rest assured, that Hillary 4.0 is on the way.” Oh, I’m resting as assured. Believe me, I’m resting as assured as this guy. I hope he is asleep. Somebody check on the dog. Joe, what are your thoughts?
DEVITO: I think you’re not allowed to have a 4.0 after your name. If you hit 2.0 and then it’s time to go away.
GUTFELD: Yes, go away point oh.
DEVITO: They keep saying she is going to reinvent herself. When you reinvent yourself, you have to go away and then come back. You don’t get to stick around because if you never go away, then people look at what you invented yourself as the first time and realize that you are full of it. They need to get rid of her and look at Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden the kind of fresh young blood the Democratic Party needs.
GUTFELD: Well, Kat, theoretically with the transfusions, it is a fresh young blood.
TIMPF: Yes. Look, I just think the amount of people that are thinking of running, it just further solidifies in my mind that Trump is going to win again. Because they are all going to be beating each other up. It’s like —
GUTFELD: But could – the way Trump became the contrast to 19 could one person end up being the contrast like 20?
TIMPF: It’s still like if two people were running a physical race and one of them had just had to run another physical race, but like while they are running, they are also getting punched in the face.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, what do you make of this field? This vast field?
MURDOCH: I agree with them. I think, she probably will run again. Honestly, she’s got the money and that’s probably why she will run again. Everyone else does not necessarily have the money. But here is the thing, history kind is a crystal ball if you look back at things. Typically, when a President loses the House which happened and then eventually, maybe he might even lose the Senate in 2020, that’s usually America’s way of saying enjoy your next four years, like that just seems the way it works.
Obama was a one term President and they got the House and they got the Senate and that’s it for him and we’re going to send all these great guys – it was Mitt Romney, okay – but he won, and I think it’s the same thing.
They’re going to have – everyone is going to run. Me and Kat might run just for giggles.
TIMPF: Yes, why not?
MURDOCH: Just to ruin the evening. But they’ll get to the point and they will have their one star come out and then that’s when Hillary jumps in and then she’ll spread her money around somehow that guy will not get the votes that the Democratic deal and she’ll get the deal and do the same thing. So it doesn’t matter who really runs. I think the country has decided that he’s got eight years to do what he needs to do regardless of the House and Senate.
TIMPF: I already have my campaign platform.
GUTFELD: What’s your campaign platform?
TIMPF: My campaign platform would be, I vote no on everything unless it’s to repeal existing legislation. So small government. Yes, on Timpf for no on everything.
GUTFELD: I like that. Walter, last word on this on the race. What do you think?
KERN: Listen, Hillary running for President is not news. Since I’ve been in six years old, she’s been running for President. I saw that Billy Joel is doing his 62nd come back at the Madison Square Garden. That will be news. The 62nd time she runs for President.
First of all, my thing with the 6 million-dollar man, every once and a while, they had to take off his face and then put in a new chip in, but 4.0 – I mean, all computers have 4.0.
GUTFELD: I have a theory that she is going to run and they are going to pull a 2008 with Michelle Obama pushing her aside the way Barack Obama did. Would that be sweet? Would that be sweet?
MURDOCH: Not again.
GUTFELD: Yes, again.
MURDOCH: And you know what would happen? That will be the night that she drops the “N” bomb. That’s the night it’s going to go up. I’m telling you. The real Hillary is going to come out.
GUTFELD: Oh my god. All right —
MURDOCH: It’s going to be like, “You –”
GUTFELD: Up next, which political party hates the other party more? The results will blow your mind or maybe just your nose. And don’t forget, I will be doing two live shows next month called “The Gutfeld Monologues Live” Grand Rapids, Michigan, December 2nd and December 8th in San Antonio, Texas. Plus special guest, Tom Shillue. Tickets for both shows are still available, not many though. Go to ggutfeld.com.
LAUREN BLANCHARD, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from “America’s News Headquarters” I’m Lauren Blanchard. A desperate search tonight for the nearly 1,300 accounted for in the California wildfires. Seventy nine people have died in the raging flames, seventy six in Northern California’s Campfire. That’s now the worst blaze the state’s history. Earlier today, President Trump got a firsthand look at the devastation. He vowed to help the victims recover, rebuild and to prevent future catastrophic blazes. Thousands of residents are homeless and living in makeshift shelters.
Overseas, the mystery of a lost Argentinian submarine is solved. Its wreckage was found this weekend just a year after it vanished with 44 sailors. The ARA San Juan submarine was located nearly 3,000 feet beneath the ocean surface. The captain reported mechanical issues shortly before the sub went down. I’m Lauren Blanchard and now back to “The Greg Gutfeld Show.”
GUTFELD: It’s the common view they really hate you. A recent Axios poll finds that more than 60% of Democrats view Republicans as racist, bigoted and sexist. Sixty percent. That’s six out of ten people. Yes, only 30% of Republicans said the same thing about Democrats. That is three out of ten people. I’d like to simplify it. The poll asked if you describe the other party today as racist, bigoted and sexist, so it pretty much set up the answer for liberals to point fingers and then feel really superior about it.
As usual, the right thinks the left is wrong but the left thinks you are stinking evil. So is there a way to change minds or is this how it’s always going to be? Jets fans hate the Giant, Raiders hate 49’ers and cats hate Schwarzenegger films.
I know it’s weird because it’s some of his best work. “Total Recall.” And Sharon Stone was in that, I believe. Kat, what you make of this survey?
TIMPF: I think that there are definitely some Republicans that are racist. I think that there are also definitely some Democrats that are racist. I don’t think that whether you are a racist or sexist has to do with what your political party is. I think it has to do with whether or not you are a racist and a sexist, I don’t know.
But this was really upsetting to see because you think about the lack of civility in politics now and this makes perfect sense that these would be the answers, that oh, you actually think this entire party is full of garbage people because of the party that they belong to, so no wonder they’re not treating people civilly and things need to actually change. People need to face reality a little bit or things are going to keep getting worse.
GUTFELD: Getting worse, Tyrus, will it get any better?
MURDOCH: Every one of you, that’s 30 and 60, that’s 90% in this room that’s a bunch of racist. I knew it. No, no Walter, no.
KERN: I’m not going to defend myself.
MURDOCH: Okay, don’t.
KERN: I found this actually shocking. That means there are four out of ten Democrats who think that Republicans aren’t good.
MURDOCH: Here’s the thing —
KERN: I want to know where they are hiding.
MURDOCH: You know what’s funny is because whenever this stuff comes up, especially conservatives get really uncomfortable. So when this question was asked even if they thought the Democrats were, what they are racist? What? What do you mean? Do I think people are racist? God, no, why? I love everybody. It’s not me, right? No, I’m not a racist.
So of course, they’re not racists, and the Democrats blame everything on everybody anyway, so that’s easy. Yes, they’re all racist. Especially the big one on Fox. He’s one of the worst racists.
KERN: Here’s my other point. Since when have Democrats and Republicans been in the same room together enough lately to know what each other are?
MURDOCH: To share a good racist joke.
KERN: I mean …
MURDOCH: I mean, that’s the only way to know. Greg, tell everyone a racist joke.
GUTFELD: All right, well, I’m glad you brought this up, so anyway —
MURDOCH: Greg, go ahead. Tell the racist joke. I’ll get his show one day.
GUTFELD: We will edit this out, right? When I say this joke, when I say this, okay, here goes.
MURDOCH: Absolutely, go. Get your phones out.
GUTFELD: Joe, tell that joke I told you in the green room.
DEVITO: Well, I think when you talk about jokes, I think with my group of friends that when I’m talking to people from different races and ethnic groups, sure I make a lot of stereotype jokes and do they ever complain about it? You know, I never asked. But I don’t think – it goes to show like the two biggest problems I see are confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance.
People start by cherry picking which facts and opinions they want to have about people and they decide from what agrees with their emotions and then at the end, if it doesn’t match up, it’s too jarring and they don’t think that they’ve made a mistake. They think reality must be wrong and we see that now with the blame – you have the idiot in Baltimore who yelled up and yelled anti-Semitic stuff during “Fiddler on the Roof,” and they said, Trump supporter. He wasn’t a Trump supporter, yet he was so moved by “Fiddler on the Roof” after a couple of drinks to get up and yell, “Heil Hitler” about Trump. The story goes out that he was a Trump supporter. He is a guy who hated Trump. The retraction never ends up on the front page.
GUTFELD: No, no. And even if they do the retraction, only a few people see it and everything – the initial article that’s called him a Trump supporter everywhere, the retraction was “uh, actually, he hated Trump,” that like three retweets. Should I share my theory on sleep racism?
MURDOCH: Sure, why not. We are all friends here.
GUTFELD: Well, you know, there are times when you are sleeping and you talk in your sleep and it could be sleep racism? Are you responsible?
GUTFELD: Okay. Just checking.
MURDOCH: Especially if you’re sleeping with a brother in the room. You’re not —
GUTFELD: Dammit. All right, up next, I love this topic. They scammed the media who helped them scam a country. We pretend to care about them, next.
Yes, all right, they pulled a scam using a homeless man. Remember that quote, “feel-good story” about the couple that started a GoFundMe page for the homeless guy that supposedly gave them his last $20.00 when the woman ran out of gas and people came together and raised 400 grand for them? Well, it turns out it was a giant rip off and they were all in on it.
All three were charged with theft by deception and looking at jail time. GoFundMe says anyone who donated money to these clowns will get their money back. There are two lessons here. One, don’t believe everything you read on the internet and two, see item one. Skepticism and critical thinking are good, but so is giving and it is the giving season. You don’t have to let the three jerks ruin it for you. Do your homework, find a worthy cause. For example, not this.
GUTFELD: Ah hour? My god, that was long. Tyrus, the whole setup was too perfect, you smelled the rat, right?
MURDOCH: Yes, I would agree with you. I believe this. Like, first of all, I don’t like GoFundMe anyway. I think it should be give me advice or show me the right direction page as opposed to sending money because it really gets abused a lot. This was a large case where so many people jumped in on this and of course, what you often said – when was the last time a homeless guy had a crisp 20 on him? Who’s donating out there? Because usually it’s coins and twos and fews – excuse me, I couldn’t help but hearing you complain about your gas, young lady. Oh yes, homeless guy. Here’s $20.00.
It wouldn’t have went that far. He would have had mace. The boyfriend would have hit him. And on his way down, some dollars would have fell out. Urine stained dollars would have fallen out and they would have been like, sorry, bro, we need the car and they would have gave the $5.00 and drove off. Like the whole story was – and they turned on each other.
GUTFELD: Yes, they turned on —
MURDOCH: Because they tried not to pay him. He got done.
GUTFELD: The homeless guy found out that they were spending money at casinos and crap and then he sued them. It was just like one of those simple plans that fall apart Walter, because they all get greedy.
KERN: Treachery of the Sierra Madre was like that.
GUTFELD: I will agree even though I never saw it.
KERN: Here’s the problem with GoFundMe, everybody has it now. I wonder why I even have a job? The other thing is I feel like when I was a kid and I was the only kid who did not have a phone in his room, I’m the only person who does not have a GoFundMe. Disgraced politicians have them and who is giving money to GoFundMe? I mean, who is doing it?
GUTFELD: It’s virtue signaling, liberal guilt, that’s what’s doing me. But don’t in a weird way, I got to give them credit for being so disgusting and clever about their disgusting, Joe, is it?
DEVITO: Yes, well, I think it distracts from the real purpose of GoFundMe which is to allow people to feel better than other people by publicly giving whereas you can do it in two different ways. You can actually see someone who is struggling and you can bring them some food. You know that the money does not go to whatever vice is troubling them. You can do that. Or you can give to a legitimate charity.
But just because you pling something and get a little surge of dopamine or serotonin because, “Look what I did, I donated. Everybody check it out. My comment.” But these people, they reminded me of in “Good Fellas” when they do the Lufthansa heist it’s like, “Keep it quiet,” and everyone comes in because they bought a BMW. They are walking around in furs and stuff.
MURDOCH: But it’s my wife’s birthday.
GUTFELD: It’s my wife’s birthday, and throw your mother’s name.
DEVITO: And nobody needs – what? They raised $400,000? That’s a lot of gas. How much gas do you need? What kind of Buick are you driving that you need $400,000.00 worth of gas.
GUTFELD: Kat, will this make people more skeptical about really sincere. There is stuff on GoFundMe for real problems, but no one is going to believe it.
TIMPF: No, I think people are pretty dumb. And these people, I mean, they could have gotten away with this, but they just started to compete with each other for the money and then they started snitching on each other, so there is another lesson here that you did not mention.
TIMPF: Don’t scam people generally but if you’re going to, don’t scam with acquaintances. Scam with family only. That is why the mafia works.
MURDOCH: You know what, Kat, I hate to disagree with you but most mafia stories end with murder, conviction and somebody telling on somebody. So it always in this way. Do it yourself and if it gets iffy, do yourself in.
GUTFELD: There you go.
MURDOCH: Samurai’s death, not get it out of me.
GUTFELD: The one thing we overlooked is that, the other culprit in this is the media who never bothered to really check the story out because it was too perfect, so every news program put it at the end of their show or did something with it and they just ate up – no producer said, “This really smells.” They didn’t because the story – they wanted to fill three minutes.
TIMPF: Why did they go with 20? If they had gone with five or something, then maybe I would have believed it, but it’s like, oh, this homeless guy gave me his last hundred dollar bill.
GUTFELD: You know what would be great? A new game so-called real or fake. You create legit causes with some scams in and then audience pledges money and the one who wins if it turns out to be fake, we round up the people that pledged and put them in jail. Terrible idea. A new version of Monopoly that will make you throw up through your eyeballs. That’s next.
They are swapping park place for a safe space. This week Hasbro added to their long list of Monopoly spinoffs with Monopoly for Millennials. The tagline was, “we suck.” I misread that. I love that millennial. Sometimes, too much. It says, the real tagline is “Forget real estate, you can’t afford it anyway.” Yes, in Millennial Monopoly, the player who collects the most experience points not the most money wins the game.
For this example, this edition replaces the original game’s Park Place with a three-day music festival. Other experiences include crashing on a friend’s couch or visiting a Vegan Bistro or a Yoga Studio. For more, we asked a typical millennial to comment.
That was amazing. I did not expect that. Kat, apparently you are still a millennial. Does this game offend you?
TIMPF: Yes, but I also don’t understand how the game doesn’t realize that it’s essentially an argument against itself because the whole point of the game I guess is to convey the idea that experiences are what’s most important in life, if people playing the game actually receive that message, they are going to say, “What the hell are we doing in his basement playing Monopoly?” But as a millennial who likes money, I would like to say this does offend me. It’s communist [bleep].
GUTFELD: I will take that, Joe?
DEVITO: I don’t know who would want to play this bummer game where it’s like if you play Trouble, it was for STDs every time you push the “pop o’ matic.” They could should come out with more toys and games from when we were growing up. They should have a gluten free, easy bake oven, that will be good. Maybe Candyland for diabetics, which would be nice.
But they should make this more realistic and just have all of the squares just be green and have a Starbucks on them so you can sit there with your laptop.
GUTFELD: I have a good one, how about like, update Twister and call it nap. You just get to nap out and you just take a nap on it, Walter.
KERN: I don’t know a single millennial with the attention span to finish a game of Monopoly.
KERN: This one actually doesn’t come with any of the money. You have to get that from an older version.
GUTFELD: Nicely done. Tyrus, do you predict this will do well?
MURDOCH: This is what this is all about?
MURDOCH: This is where we’re at?
MURDOCH: Ninth place is good now?
DEVITO: He’s getting down like Trump, somebody get —
GUTFELD: He’s just mad —
MURDOCH: I live by an “I wish” creed. I wish I would come home and see my children playing that game. I would put the fear of real Monopoly in. I will be the banker. I get the car, house rules on free parking and it’s a game to help you manage money, to buy things and succeed. Deals are struck on Monopoly. You’ve got Boardwalk, I’ve got Park Place. I want Marvin Garden, let’s make a deal. That’s how you learn.
MURDOCH: Now it’s you want that? Okay. It’s both of ours. Not in my house.
GUTFELD: Can I just sit on the couch at Park Place?
MURDOCH: Come on. That’s a skill set? To be the guy on the couch from half-baked? That’s your life? This is not fair to millennial, like this is not fair. I just want to punch little Monopoly in his – what is now? It’s an oracle that’s probably culturally stealing from somebody —
GUTFELD: Little rich guy with a hat?
MURDOCH: I’m sure he’s not a rich guy anymore, he’s a rich thing, person but – every generation has these people that just don’t do [bleep] but for some reason, the Kat millennials of the world get no press time, but the dude on her couch gets all the press time. It’s like the people that are – the millennials don’t talk about new on her couch – I’m just saying it’s not fair to millennials that the ones who are working hard and trying, they get no press, but the dude on the couch at mom’s house gets all the coverage.
GUTFELD: And you know what it is? It’s also not millennials. It’s actually the generation after the millennials that are the issue. Those are the ones that don’t want free speech on their campuses and actually not all of them, but that generation which is – what is it? Y? Generation Y?
MURDOCH: Just call them generation oat meal.
TIMPF: Z maybe.
GUTFELD: Z – generation Z. We are old, aren’t we?
KERN: I used to play Monopoly …
TIMPF: Speak for yourself.
KERN: … with my grandpa who was the greatest generation. He played like for ten minutes and then he got super hammered and, you know, everybody forgot the rules and it went away. That was how Monopoly went.
GUTFELD: You really needed to get a jail card for him towards the end of the night. It’s like, we’re playing Monopoly.
DEVITO: How will prison reform affect the get out of jail free card?
GUTFELD: That’s true. That’s true.
DEVITO: We’re updating.
GUTFELD: Well, there’d probably be like twice as many cards now. All right, up next, you want to see something Tyrus and I did one night after the show? You can if you join Fox Nation. If not, there’s still time. More details, next.
Before we go, we want to tell you about Fox Nation, the new premium subscription service. It launches November 27th. You can get daily live opinion shows on demand, all your favorite Fox hosts and this guy.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: From athlete to bodyguard to entertainer, Tyrus is now one of Fox’s rising stars with a story so epic, we needed one of the most respected names to help tell it. But we could only get him.
Meet Tyrus, Greg Gutfeld one-on-one with the Fox Nation star. His incredible journey …
MURDOCH: You have to have formal relationships, you have to be betrayed. You have to feel rock bottom.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Their friendship.
MURDOCH: We met on Twitter. It’s an old love story.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And everything in between.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, sign up now at foxnation.com if you want to see that and if you want to become a founding member now, you will get exclusive merchandise that’s only available until November 27th. All right, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Thanks to Walter Kern, Joe DeVito, Kat, Tyrus, our studio audience. I love you, America. I’m Greg Gutfeld.
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